The Sadist & The Masochist

Have you ever thought how Sadism or masochism tend to evolve in someone’s character?

The pleasure of inflicting pain, or receiving pain with others?

Before we actually understand how pain could be referred to in a sexual manner, one has to first understand what was the beginning of the thread that lead to this wool ball crumbling in emotions.

Most of our societies are built on mechanisms of discipline so to keep law and order. These mechanisms include punishment tactics if someone deviated away from the usual moral code of conduct, and then followed by a reward system in the event of complying to the standards sit contemporarily at that time (which then haunts further generation preventing modernization - but that’s not currently our topic).

To further clarify, these punishments are mostly based on humiliation, and even if not, the outcome and/or the subject of the punishment followed by its stigma would later act as a humiliation to the person undergoing the punishment.

Being Humiliated by a person or another(entity), is often used as a way to assert power over us, which would be inflicted for many reasons (would leave the task of figuring that out to your criminal imagination).

However, most of them intend to include the objective of "establishing an example" to any disobedient member, that would allegedly pose a threat to the public, were they to breach the rules of the society or its traditions, or to simply if that person merely doesn’t like you.

So, what psychological effects does that have on a human mind (I can also argue that animals are affected by it)?

Well… if we suffer from severe humiliation we could experience major depressions, suicidal states, and sever anxiety states such as PTSD and so on...

Humiliation causes a us to lose social statues, feelings of shame, and dehumanized to a level that we then could no longer function in society, we can no longer portray an ability to behave normally in our relevant communities.

Can you tell what happens to us when we are disowned from our communities?

Can you tell what happens to us if we are born in certain characteristics that are programmed as stigmas in our societies (some being even gender!)?

We are left with emotions of revenge, worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, furious for justice, and if we can’t get that justice and/or revenge we could put an end to all of this by ending our lives.

Okay… so how do we deal with these emotions?

If our circumstances allow us, that is, to portray some strength, we turn these emotions outwardly, which cause us to act in a paranoid sadistic behavior, plotting and fantasizing about our revenge.

Correspondingly, if our circumstances do not allow us to turn these emotions outwards, we do take them inwards, resulting in apathy, low self-esteem, people pleasing, and well narcissism (surprise!).

Both scenarios, cause us to be absorbed in ourselves, and our cause. We tend to think in spirals, in survival on what the next step would be so we could get our social status back. We are then caged in the past, in darkness unable of forming our own opinions as we are stuck in loops of shame, and chains of pain.

Unfortunately, when we are stuck in such a place, we tend to follow trends, as we are always seeking someone’s approval, we get fooled by the illusion of what seems acceptable.

Whilst, the most wounded of us all is left with the most urgent need to gain his status back (to end his suffering), our most wounded tend to take on and adopt our most important causes.

We take on activism, we marginalize groups in the hopes that once we make it to the top, we will redeem ourselves. Using, and riding on the most significant and sensitive topics, for our own personal interest and failing to take the steps necessary then to achieve the greater good.

On to the most to the interesting part, how does this interlink with sexuality?

Keeping in mind that this would just portray the logic behind it and only speak briefly and in general only to spread awareness, and that this does not apply to everyone of course. Savoring the sexual need behind it for those who like to imply it in the life in their own healthy manners, it all gets down to the following:

When we are suffering from humiliation, we are anxious, we are depressed, we cannot meet our needs, so we suffer from a lot of thinking, and we get stuck in loops.

This cause us to lead compulsive behaviors in the hopes of catching a break, and fortunately sexual pleasure does provide a quick fix, yet, a temporary one.

If we do become sadistic and take our emotions outwards, we would want to take revenge by inflicting shame and pain in the amount equivalent to compensate for what we had felt, simultaneously by proving to ourselves that we can, that we are strong enough, so we could feel safe. Strong enough to be in a tough society, to belong to this cruel world that humiliated us so bad for no reason in the first place, that we earned it.

Unfortunately, this is a self-feeding monster of a loop, as whilst considering our very degraded image we have of ourselves if we become sadistic, we even enforce it further, and solidify these misbelieves of our self-worth by acting in further ways that reflect to us that we are evil (Aka by inflicting more pain).

It goes without saying, that if we do become masochists, we are also degraded to believe these shameful misconceptions about ourselves, so we do tend to actually believe that we are criminals, sinners. As with the right punishment and by paying the price, we would then have had paid our debt, and redeemed ourselves.

Either way, we reach to that peak, to that high, to the euphoria, just to discover that nothing really does take that shame away, nothing fixes the past and nothing take it away.

We all suffer from these symptoms daily and most of us does not suffer from these two extremes above, and we suffer in them in ways of thoughts, in forms of behavior, without it need be sexual.

We are, indeed, left with the question: “How then can I get to really redeem myself?”

Being aware that we are enough as we are, that we deserve love, and that we are beautiful enough in our being, initiates a path of liberation to our existence.

All Narratives are the knitting of the mind, they are manufactured by pain, and they are unnatural.

We are always served with the option to choose to end this pain right here and right now.

We do not have to find the answer to that right now, we just have to choose, to just be as we are and the rest will unfold.